My Mantra: Brown Skin is Beautiful

In my home country of India, arranged marriages are a revered, normalized, and sometimes even preferred way of finding your partner. As an adult, I've become surprised to hear the downside of arranged marriage, especially for women.

This is one example of an offensive and traditional weight loss ad that targets Indian brides.

I was recently on the phone with a friend who shared her woes about the arranged marriage process. My friend, who is beautiful in every manner, was recently rejected by a family because of having (and I kid you not!) a sharp nose and curly (yes curly) hair! This friend is beautiful, brilliant, and successful. The entire process left her feeling defeated in every way. Her potential suitor inferred that her actual worth resided in her body with one decision.

I've spoken with more friends who have been through the arranged marriage process and am continually sickened by the comments they've heard. I used to think that the most common judgemental words referred to the size of a woman's body. However, as I've explored this topic more, I realized that most judgments relate to not meeting stereotypical cultural standards.

My friends have shared all sorts of negative feedback from potential marriage partners. Feedback includes: "too short" to "too boney," and my least favorite, "too dark of a complexion." That last one feels like a punch in the gut.

Beauty standards in south Asian cultures are rooted in the colonial past, where feminine beauty is still defined as having fair skin, big and shapely eyes, long straight hair, and a petite figure (womanly, but not too thin!). Ugh.

In the book Black Skin, White Masks, Frantz Fannon, states that colonization has resulted in having an inferiority complex. Those who have experienced colonization have witnessed their cultural values disappear at the hands of the colonizer. The result: entire cultures have been brainwashed into thinking that the standards of the colonizer are most desirable. And even though it has been years since India has achieved its freedom, many of us still feel that we are walking the tightrope set by European beauty standards. We are constantly battling our internalized racism that tells us we must adhere to a standard not our own.

The media constantly forces a body image that is fair, slender, and symmetrical. In reality, a very rare few meet this standard. It's alarming to learn about this being the root of cultural shame, but we must remember this is just part of our story. We can move towards acceptance and away from judgment.

Where does this end? How do we respect our bodies and be proud of who we are and how we look?

We must amplify our internal voice to be louder than any other. That means we have to surround ourselves with people who reinforce our positive narrative. Being in a positive environment is beneficial because it is refreshing, energizing, and always needed! Follow positive body accounts on social media - and be sure those accounts center folx who share your skin tone and body size. And lastly, remember that we live in a diverse, melting pot of different and complex people. Diversity is essential in understanding that your difference is what makes you "you!" You are valuable precisely as you are right now.

So you might be "too boney" for someone or "too short' for someone else - but remember (and tell others too) that we're perfect for the one person that truly matters - and that's you.