Preparing for the Holidays: How To Communicate About COVID
This holiday season is going to be different for many of us. With COVID cases spiking here in Chicago, and many other states across the country, scientists and doctors are advising extreme caution and greater restrictions around gatherings this year.
It’s disappointing to say the least, and for some, it’s scary. Many of us have at least one member of our family who is “high risk”, and we’ve been riding the waves of worry since March.
One conversation I’ve had repeatedly in sessions (& in my own family) over the last few weeks, is the difficulty of navigating plans with family (or friends) when not everyone is on the same page about risks. One family member may be hoping for everyone to quarantine and get tested before gathering, while another may feel they are perfectly safe going about their daily activities while wearing a mask and keeping distance. To some, leaving the house is leaving the house (it’s black and white) - and to others, there are varying degrees of risk between going to the grocery store and going out to dinner.
All this to say, these are such difficult conversations. Ask yourself the following questions to help better understand where you are - and how to communicate your needs and boundaries to your family this season:
How often are you thinking about or worried about getting sick and/or your family getting sick?
What has your recent behavior looked like? Are you relatively careful? Hugely cautious, or perhaps feeling fatigued by it all and getting a bit loosey goosey at times with safety guidelines?
Who will be gathering? Is anyone high risk or particularly vulnerable? Have you spoken to them about their specific concerns and asks?
Have you had a chance to talk to everyone in your group to better understand their plan leading up / and expectations for the day?
How were those conversations received? Was their push back, dismissal, or consensus?
Do you know what you need in order to feel safer?Once you have a better picture of who/what/where/how — can the entire group come to an agreement about how to best support each other, and more importantly, protect the most vulnerable amongst you?
These are incredibly hard conversations, and it is likely that someone may feel judged or singled out if they feel you are saying their behavior hasn’t been “careful” enough for your standards. It’s important to communicate that all of us are handling this pandemic differently - and in the best ways we know how. This will certainly look different for everyone.
When approaching these harder conversations, try the “soft start up” approach, which leads with affirmation, love and curiosity - but also states your concerns from an “I Feel” stance (rather than a “you” blaming approach.)
For example: I know we all want to be together for Thanksgiving this year. It’s a really scary time for me, and I know I would feel better about coming together if we could all agree to [xyz] precautions. If that feels unreasonable or not doable, can we try to come up with a compromise that works for us all?
If that person is unable to meet your needs (perhaps they are an essential worker and cannot take off work) or feel that your fears/boundaries are over the top, you may decide that the risk is not worth it for you and your family this year.
That would certainly be a painful and difficult decision, and yes - there will be grief, and potentially frustration and maybe resentment. I know this is just a starting point. There is no perfect template for how to navigate this because we’ve never had to before!
Be gentle with yourself and your loved ones — everyone is dealing with this in a different way, and trying to find some semblance of normalcy in a completely not normal time.
