Meeting Our Kids Where They Are

I’m not a girly girl. I never felt disappointed by having three sons. My house is filled with Nerf gun bullets, legos, and many, many footballs. Despite being open to all the wild endeavors being a “boy mom” entails, I have found a growing divide between me and one of my sons as he heads toward his teenage years. He’s now less apt to watch a Disney movie with me and more likely to watch a football game with his dad.

To foster connection, I’ve committed to become a little more interested in his biggest passion: college and professional sports. This past weekend, my son and I boarded a plane and flew to my college Alma Mater, The University of Tennessee, to watch the UT men’s basketball team defeat Vanderbilt. We shared the thrill of the game, the excitement of the victory, and the exhaustion from the journey. We ate junk food, didn’t get enough sleep, and spent too much money. But the shared experiences and the bond we formed during this trip made it all worth it.

I’m reminded of the importance of meeting our kids where they are and trying to care about what they care about. I’d love it if my son suddenly took up horseback riding or The Beatles, but the outlook is not good. This is why I, as his mother, must try to understand his interests. It's not about changing their interests, but about understanding and supporting them.

If you’re a parent, can you turn the focus away from convincing your child to care about what you care about and lean into their interests? Show your child that you care about their priorities (even if it’s a video game or band you can’t stand). Entering your child’s world will open the door to connection and trust, which are vital for a healthy child/parent relationship