The Many Parts of Change
Most people seek out therapy for one of three reasons:
Clients hold a deep desire to create change in their relationship to self or with others (partner, friends, family, colleagues).
Clients are forced to adapt to unwanted change: loss of a loved one, illness, divorce, social injustice.
Clients are navigating change that comes with the territory of life transitions: getting married, going to college, becoming a parent, aging.
Whatever the reason may be, a large part of the therapeutic process is tending to how we adjust and move through change. Change can elicit a number of feelings; fear, grief, anxiety, abandonment, pleasure, excitement, even hope. More often than not, we experience many of these emotions, or “parts” at once.
In Internal Family Systems (IFS) a part is a distinct aspect of the individual. It's like a different character within the mind, each with its own unique role, beliefs, emotions, and memories.
For example, when I became a new parent nearly two years ago, I had struggled with severe postpartum anxiety. Despite feeling a deep love for my child, I simultaneously experienced immense feelings of dread, worry, and shame about not being a good enough parent. A part of me desperately wanted to create that strong bond, and a part of me was terrified by how much I loved my son. A part of me felt immense relief when I stopped breastfeeding and a part of me felt so guilty. Each of these parts of me would often feel in battle and made it difficult for me to trust myself. Over time I was able to understand each of these parts of myself and honor them, which made me able to cope and accept the hardship and beauty of parenthood.
According IFS, this aspect of multiplicity of the mind is innate in all of us.. We all have an internal system of protective and wounded parts that can heal through self Leadership. Integrating some of the concepts of IFS can help us navigate change from a more self-led place.
The following exercises can help you build a relationship with your parts as you navigate change:
Mapping your parts:
Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Invite your parts into your awareness. They might appear as a sensation in the body, a thought, a feeling, an image, a sound, etc. Once you have a clear sense of what that part is, witness them stepping/floating away and invite the next part to step forward, and so on. Once you feel like all the parts that have been activated by this change allow themselves to be known, you can create a “map” of them on paper through drawing, listing the words, etc. Allow your Creativity to speak!
Writing from the voice of your parts:
Imagine these parts impacted by change have a voice of their own. Journal from the perspective of these parts to learn more about how they feel about this change. Notice what it feels like after releasing those words. Ask the part what it might need to be able to compassionately embrace this change.
Work with an IFS therapist:
Working with an IFS trained therapist can help you explore some of your system’s more tender parts and how they respond to change, in a safe container.
Resources to learn more about IFS or find an IFS therapist near you:
No Bad Parts Book, Self-Led Book, IFS Directory, Inner Active Cards