How can we protect the lives of queer and trans/GNC youth?
(printed in our June, 2022 Monthly Mindset)
When I thought about what Pride subtopic to write about for this monthly newsletter, I knew I had to address the urgency with which therapists and adults must tend to the mental health and wellness of our queer and tgnc (trans and gender non-conforming) youth. In the last few years, we have seen a terrifying uptick of anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation against our queer and trans youth across the country. From making it illegal to talk about queer issues in school, to denying lifesaving trans affirming care for young people, we must recognize the toll this has on queer folks, and especially young people.
In a survey conducted by the Pew Research Foundation, they found that there are more young Americans who identify as trans of non-binary than ever before. There is also (thankfully) so much more representation of Queer and TGNC identities in the media. Heartstopper, Pose, Sex Education, yes please! So, how can we as adult mental health providers, parents, teachers, and caregivers, protect the precious lives of queer and trans/GNC youth?
Educate Yourself
It is a-okay as a cis het person to not know all things sexuality and gender. Heck! I’m a queer and gender expansive person and I have a lot to learn! I don’t know many adults 30s and above who were taught about this in school (at least not in an affirming way), so we must call on our community and “the google” to help us out. If your child/student/client feels safe enough to disclose their sexuality or gender identity to you, take some of some of the burden off them and educate yourself. Resources below!
Affirm and Center Youth
So your child has come out (or as I like to say, let you in!) to the incredibly vulnerable and sacred part of themselves that is their sexuality or gender. Take a moment to recognize that they see you as a safe person and continue to be that safe person in your response. First, believe them. It might seem tempting to say, “But how can you know you’re only 10! This might change.” The truth is it might! But that doesn’t matter. Because right now, they are telling you who they are in this moment. Be curious but gentle. “Wow, thank you for trusting me with this. How does it feel to share this with me?” Make sure to center this around their experience, and not your feelings. It is okay to have questions! Just be sure to ask your child if they feel open to hearing and discussing them. Most importantly, honor and mirror the language your child uses, and ask them what their identity means to them. Queer people are not a monolith. My experience of gender expansiveness looks completely different to someone else. What does it mean to your child? Above all, love them. Hard. They will need you these next few years.
Therapy
Learning that your child is queer or trans might come with a wide range of emotions from joy to fear to everything in-between. Those feelings are valid. However, it is important you have a space of your own to process and understand where those feelings are coming from some they aren’t projected onto your kiddo. They don’t need to know “how hard it is for you,” but your therapist can! Therapy can be a safe space to explore some of the questions you might have, and the feelings you’re experiencing. We have several clinicians here who are part of the LGBTQ community, or are LGBTQ affirming!
Resources:
Beyond the Gender Binary by Alok Vaid-Menon
www.thelistforus.com
Women and Children First – Queer Owned Bookstore in Chicago